“Just because it burns it doesn’t mean your gonna die. You got to get up and try. Try. TRY.” PINK – TRY
Sometimes being brave doesn’t look very James Bond, sweaty or heroic. Bravery isn’t always surrounded by clashing swords and the sound of battle horns. Bravery can sometimes be very quietly resilient. Sensibly sane. It can be getting out of bed when all you feel like is staying in – forever. It can be saying yes to challenges when your self-esteem is so low your not even sure why you’re still breathing. It can be holding on to a glimmer of hope that you once saw and remember vaguely when everything else inside of you is screaming that all hope is lost. Going on a hike even when you’ve got antidepressant withdrawal symptoms from hell. Going to work even though you’re not sure you’ll be able to handle what they throw at you next. Paying attention to your husband’s emotions and being responsive to his needs when you’re not even sure if the relationship will be there tomorrow because your so afraid your mental health will fall to pieces and take your relationship with it. Talking to people you’ve not spoken to for a while even though you don’t feel deserving of a relationship.
That was me last week and all through the weekend. I was brave. Today I came home and for some inexplicable reason I felt happy. Not ecstatic happy, but content, like I finally had done something good. Too afraid of losing the feeling so I don’t want to interrogate it too much, but it feels good like a blanket, or a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day. Not a cake, bit a cup of hot chocolate. I love it. I guess bravery pays off.