So it’s been about 3 weeks since I decided that I should journal everyday. . . Blank space. Crickets. Exactly. That is pretty much where it stopped. I could say that I’ve been super busy and I’ve been keeping up with some of the other tasks on my list but the truth is… What is the truth? I’ve been catching myself thinking that I really should do some journalling… So the internal reminder is there. But everytime I think about it I have this profound sense of being very uncomfortable, maybe even anxious, like I know I should block the thought because… Bad things happen when I take care of myself. I’ve stuck with some of the other positive habits.. I’m gardening often-ish, I’m cleaning, uncluttering and listing things for sale everyday… That works. That comes ‘naturally’. I’ve actively avoided exercise, journalling, giving credit to myself, affirming myself, giving small yet meaningful gifts to my husband and I’m now at a point where even spending time with my husband is becoming ‘difficult’… Because I’m so unhappy? I feel forgotten, left on the side of the road, kicked to the curb. Do you get what I’m saying? God, it’s worse than I thought. How deep does this brainwashing go? Mom and dad, what have you done to me?
Published by arielhopewhispers
I've got borderline personality disorder. I'm divorced. I'm in my early thirties. I'm really confused. I'm in a relationship. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm honest. I like to think I'm a good person. I'm definitely an empathic person. I'm a caring person. I try to make the world a better place. I experience extreme highs and extreme lows. I have difficulty processing emotions. I have difficulty maintaining relationships. I've got an extreme fear of abandonment. I'm still learning how to be a better me. I have low self-esteem. You'll have to look very far to find a more loving person than me. I love deeply and fiercely. I love dogs. I love dancing, writing, poetry. Occasionally my posts include poetry. Most of the time it's just me talking to you. It helps me process things. It helps me remember things. It helps me create a sort of constant reminder of who I am. I'm grateful to those of you who read my posts and leave a helpful comment. I try to include helpful links to resources and stuff, when I can. This platform means the world to me. I've met some really wise, amazing and supportive people. Thank you for giving me a space where I can literally just be me - no holds barred. View all posts by arielhopewhispers