To confront or not to confront

Today started with a hectic deadline at work. The idiot manager actually asked me at one point in the midst of me trying to frantically get all audit files printed in time “Is there anything I can do…?” So I told him if he really wants to he could check the financial statements so long. I showed him what still has to be done and then he actually said “Well, I’m not looking at that.” And then he started again “So is there anything I can do?” Ugh, what an asshole. He was just trying to put more pressure on me. That is when I realised what a manipulative person I am actually dealing with. Thank goodness I finished just in time…

BUT then, just when all was supposed to be good and well again our two business partners decide to take the afternoon off… Without telling us. I’m the last person to judge, but this made me so mad. I mean, we’re in this business together and honestly I work my but off just to watch these two idiots come and go as they please…living the good life… so I work on weekends so they can take Mondays off. It’s not fair. This entrepreneurship thing is hard. Do I confront them about it or what do I do? If I confront them about it I can just already hear the million excuses and if I don’t… they keep taking advantage? Until we’re all broke? So I’m stuck.

Why can’t people just all be honest and good and pure. We can live in a world where no one gets shouted at and everyone does their bit and it will be magical. But reality is far from it.

The book I’m reading says I have to set boundaries. If I’m reading this right my problem is that people just don’t respect mine. Maybe they don’t even know about them. So they violate them all the time, causing me to feel anger and rage. I need to find my voice somewhere, along with my boundaries. My emotions are telling me to stick up for myself and I’m just not listening. Even if I consider listening to it I won’t know how to act on it. How do I confront people without losing control of the whole situation?

Right now I have 2 partners that do a fairly okay job at making us money and who are nice to me and who supports me. If I confront them they might decide to stop doing anything at all. But then again, that would be stupid of them because it will be like cutting off the nose to spite the face. But it might get seriously awkward… Could I live with that? It might become a toxic relationship. Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve been in enough toxic relationships to know that it’s not a nice place to be. I really don’t know what to do. Any advice anyone?

1. How do you determine if you’ve been taken advantage of? And

2. How do you confront people who are supposed to be your friends who end up taking advantage of you?

PS: I chose to confront the 2 business partners. I plucked up all my courage and used my best boundary book language to explain to both of them, in writing, that I felt that we should all recognize that we are responsible for working the hours that we promised we would work and that no one else should have to suffer if one of us doesn’t do this and that, since it affects all of us when one of us doesn’t work our hours, we should take the initiative to communicate this and then take steps to make it up to the others, by, for example, working in the hours or taking unpaid leave. Partner 1 was immediately upset and said it felt like a personal attack. His response was very emotional, according to him he had been doing that anyway so he said me bringing this up felt like a slap on the face. Partner 2 drew a line in the sand and said if I had something to talk about I must go talk to her face to face. I responded by writing that I wasn’t accusing anyone of anything, so if everyone was in fact working their hours they must just communicate this. Partner 1 then apologised for seeing my post as an attack and for attacking me, but I can see he is still upset about it. Partner 2 doesn’t look to upset now, but I think she did take in what I said and proceeded to, again, reassure me that they had more to lose than us so they knew the consequencess. So long story short… I didn’t die because I set the boundary. The book said when you confront someone with unhealthy boundaries they will attack so that is true, but I know why so… I think I feel good about setting this boundary and I think it might have even increased the respect I have for myself, which increased my self-esteem. I’m standing for myself and my husband and basically telling the business world – your not taking us for a ride, I won’t have it.

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