I’ve been thinking about why I’ve been so anxious and I think I feel like I am not doing anything well enough and I’m just messing up my life because I tell myself that I’m not good enough, that I need to work harder/ be better/ or else… The problem is the anxiety isn’t making doing what I have to do easier, it’s making it more difficult so this is not a helpful way of thinking. If I could find a way to encourage and comfort myself more and to feel more secure in myself I would be able to do better at this part of my life.I have a fear that if I am not so hard on myself, if I let go, if I decide to feel ‘okay’ everything will turn into a disaster and I will be disillusioned.I can understand that I might feel this way given what happened to me in my childhood, but what I must understand is that that wasn’t my fault. I was a child back then. It was my parents job to keep me safe and take care of me, but they didn’t. They weren’t constant, they weren’t reliable and they weren’t “there”. That was not my fault.I am no longer a child. I am an adult and my safety and well-being is my responsibility. I have proven time and time again that I am capable of doing this.That doesn’t mean I am perfect, but it does mean that whatever happens I will be able to take care of it.I am an amazing person with an exceptional life.I courageously followed the love of my life to the ends of the earth. I am the reason we are able to be together.I courageously started a small business after losing my job due to socio-economic problems in the country.I work really really hard and I deserve to take time off.I add value to the organizations I work for and with.I am skilled at finding, developing and mining opportunity.I am a good dog owner.I am a good wife.I am intelligent, loving and fair.
Published by arielhopewhispers
I've got borderline personality disorder. I'm divorced. I'm in my early thirties. I'm really confused. I'm in a relationship. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm honest. I like to think I'm a good person. I'm definitely an empathic person. I'm a caring person. I try to make the world a better place. I experience extreme highs and extreme lows. I have difficulty processing emotions. I have difficulty maintaining relationships. I've got an extreme fear of abandonment. I'm still learning how to be a better me. I have low self-esteem. You'll have to look very far to find a more loving person than me. I love deeply and fiercely. I love dogs. I love dancing, writing, poetry. Occasionally my posts include poetry. Most of the time it's just me talking to you. It helps me process things. It helps me remember things. It helps me create a sort of constant reminder of who I am. I'm grateful to those of you who read my posts and leave a helpful comment. I try to include helpful links to resources and stuff, when I can. This platform means the world to me. I've met some really wise, amazing and supportive people. Thank you for giving me a space where I can literally just be me - no holds barred. View all posts by arielhopewhispers