I guess what I have to do is realize that… I went through a lot lately. Emotional abuse is not “nothing”. It’s not something to just get over with. It doesn’t mean I’m weak. Just for having survived this far I should get a medal… Now I only have to believe it… #heartbroken #identity-less #borderline #brave #iamvalid #myfeelingsarevalid
I do feel a little bit sad I guess… Why am I so afraid to admit it? Perhaps it’s the purity of my fear. Perhaps I still see myself as prey and there is nothing narcissists like more than wounded prey. The minute you admit your weakness they will pounce, go in for the kill shot. At least if you put up a mask, pretend you can walk whilst your feet are actually broken you have a chance at survival… It won’t be life, but it will be life… If you know what I mean.
If I’m completely honest I’m feeling lonely, hopeless, overwhelmed, trapped, cornered, angry, fearful, anxious and nauseated by the evil I’ve once again discovered.
I once told a friend that I’m like one of those birds that miners would take with them to test for lethal gas or something. If narcissists come in contact with me I get sick. I’m a sick bird right now…
My only question is…for how long? And where do I find the empathy for myself to help myself through this?
I've got borderline personality disorder. I'm divorced. I'm in my early thirties. I'm really confused.
I'm in a relationship. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm honest. I like to think I'm a good person. I'm definitely an empathic person. I'm a caring person. I try to make the world a better place.
I experience extreme highs and extreme lows. I have difficulty processing emotions. I have difficulty maintaining relationships. I've got an extreme fear of abandonment. I'm still learning how to be a better me.
I have low self-esteem. You'll have to look very far to find a more loving person than me. I love deeply and fiercely.
I love dogs. I love dancing, writing, poetry. Occasionally my posts include poetry. Most of the time it's just me talking to you.
It helps me process things. It helps me remember things. It helps me create a sort of constant reminder of who I am.
I'm grateful to those of you who read my posts and leave a helpful comment. I try to include helpful links to resources and stuff, when I can.
This platform means the world to me. I've met some really wise, amazing and supportive people. Thank you for giving me a space where I can literally just be me - no holds barred.
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Hope Whispers 