A better mother for myself

I guess what I have to do is realize that… I went through a lot lately. Emotional abuse is not “nothing”. It’s not something to just get over with. It doesn’t mean I’m weak. Just for having survived this far I should get a medal… Now I only have to believe it… #heartbroken #identity-less #borderline #brave #iamvalid #myfeelingsarevalid

I do feel a little bit sad I guess… Why am I so afraid to admit it? Perhaps it’s the purity of my fear. Perhaps I still see myself as prey and there is nothing narcissists like more than wounded prey. The minute you admit your weakness they will pounce, go in for the kill shot. At least if you put up a mask, pretend you can walk whilst your feet are actually broken you have a chance at survival… It won’t be life, but it will be life… If you know what I mean.

If I’m completely honest I’m feeling lonely, hopeless, overwhelmed, trapped, cornered, angry, fearful, anxious and nauseated by the evil I’ve once again discovered.

I once told a friend that I’m like one of those birds that miners would take with them to test for lethal gas or something. If narcissists come in contact with me I get sick. I’m a sick bird right now…

My only question is…for how long? And where do I find the empathy for myself to help myself through this?

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