I went to boot camp this morning. It felt really good. Hubby encouraged me to go and that was the last push I needed. He says I would never have done it just for me. I would have the intent but not the conviction to push through, which would keep me stuck in a loop of thinking, wishing and planning a lot but not doing. Why is it so difficult for me to do things for myself? Just for me? Because it makes me happy? Why does it always have to be such a fight? If I don’t make money from it or don’t make somebody else happy because of it or don’t gain tangible results from it (as in a clean house) I don’t do it. Hubby is right. I really can be such a dick 2 myself. I need to write this down to remember that getting up and letting myself relax and think of nothing other than how to survive the next exercise is okay. Not just okay. I’m desperate for it. I need it. It makes me happy. And I deserve happy.
Published by arielhopewhispers
I've got borderline personality disorder. I'm divorced. I'm in my early thirties. I'm really confused. I'm in a relationship. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm honest. I like to think I'm a good person. I'm definitely an empathic person. I'm a caring person. I try to make the world a better place. I experience extreme highs and extreme lows. I have difficulty processing emotions. I have difficulty maintaining relationships. I've got an extreme fear of abandonment. I'm still learning how to be a better me. I have low self-esteem. You'll have to look very far to find a more loving person than me. I love deeply and fiercely. I love dogs. I love dancing, writing, poetry. Occasionally my posts include poetry. Most of the time it's just me talking to you. It helps me process things. It helps me remember things. It helps me create a sort of constant reminder of who I am. I'm grateful to those of you who read my posts and leave a helpful comment. I try to include helpful links to resources and stuff, when I can. This platform means the world to me. I've met some really wise, amazing and supportive people. Thank you for giving me a space where I can literally just be me - no holds barred. View all posts by arielhopewhispers