Omw what a week! Straight out of hell if you ask me! So first off… I had what must be the most embarrassing humiliating experience of my life when I pooped myself on my way to a radio interview that we were SO excited to get! Then… I figured out just how difficult life was when my emotions are low AND my husband is emotionally nonexistent. I was so low and emotionally abandoned that I realised… I CAN’T GO ON LIKE THIS. It’s fine and “well” (and I guess I mean barely tolerable) when things in my life are going my way to ALWAYS be spending my energy on trying to make him feel better and trying to earn his attention… But when things are not going my way and he is still not there… That to me is (apparently according to the emotional response I had) unacceptable. I always thought I would kill myself when he left me. That was legit my plan. But this week I did the unthinkable and felt the unfathomable… And I told that I love him more than anything in the world, but I can’t stay if this is the way it’s going to be… I gave him 3 months. A whole lot of crying and breakdowns and tantrums on both sides later… He went back to therapy today and he is working at going back2basics… Eat, sleep, exercise, routine… Im just thankful that something is moving in the right direction. After all I don’t want to leave. I’m just so emotionally empty that I won’t have a choice if he continues down the rabithole… It would be drown or swim… Away… And apparently somewhere on my unbalanced path I’ve found some balls and self love, enough to say… Well if those are my two options I accept them and I’m swimming… So I guess to sum up… It’s been a pretty shitty 💩💩💩week, but I’m swimming. And if I wasn’t trying to laugh I’d be crying. At least I’m trying.
What a week! Trigger warning
Published by arielhopewhispers
I've got borderline personality disorder. I'm divorced. I'm in my early thirties. I'm really confused. I'm in a relationship. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm honest. I like to think I'm a good person. I'm definitely an empathic person. I'm a caring person. I try to make the world a better place. I experience extreme highs and extreme lows. I have difficulty processing emotions. I have difficulty maintaining relationships. I've got an extreme fear of abandonment. I'm still learning how to be a better me. I have low self-esteem. You'll have to look very far to find a more loving person than me. I love deeply and fiercely. I love dogs. I love dancing, writing, poetry. Occasionally my posts include poetry. Most of the time it's just me talking to you. It helps me process things. It helps me remember things. It helps me create a sort of constant reminder of who I am. I'm grateful to those of you who read my posts and leave a helpful comment. I try to include helpful links to resources and stuff, when I can. This platform means the world to me. I've met some really wise, amazing and supportive people. Thank you for giving me a space where I can literally just be me - no holds barred. View all posts by arielhopewhispers