Fairytale from hell

I get it now. You held up a mirror, showed me exactly what I wanted to see.. That’s why you were perfect, that’s why we were soulmates, that’s why we were worth it… We were worth everything, because I needed a fantasy to believe in and you let me believe that it was you.

And what you got was someone so desperate to keep the fairytale from falling apart that she would take whatever you dished out, do whatever you wanted as long as the fairytale never ended…

I feel… Astonished. I feel… Winded. You used all my best qualities against me so skillfully…. Willed naivety will never ever be a choice for me. Ever again. I accept the part I had to play. I forgive myself. It was so hard… I was so desperate. I really feel for me… But you… I feel nothing… You I only feel you in the scars on my soul that I discover more of each day. I only feel you in the bloody wounds that I filled with poppy seeds. The flowers are blooming now but they drip with blood, my blood… It hurts. I feel you in the ice cold hands that try to suffocate me every night… Keep my lungs from filling up with the air I need to live from. I feel you… In the gaping hole that sits where once my shy emerging femininity had been… I feel you inside of me. But as for feeling for you. I feel nothing, because you are nothing aren’t you? You were never a human being, just a mirror of what I wanted to see… A void I could dissapear inside of. But I was not supposed to leave you.. Alive… Was I?

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