I woke up super anxious and having thoughts like “none of it makes a difference anyway. Why even bother to try… ” I was planning on working on my business today, but I felt so negative. I didn’t want to work today. Usually, I would just force myself to work and suffer the consequences, but today I decided to give myself a break. I decided to be on my own side. I’ve been working a full time job and on the side I work at my own business for about 6 months now. I do an average of about 75 hours per week. No wonder I’m tired. ‘Normal’ people work 45 hours a week and get tired. It’s okay to be tired.This was a new level of self compassion for me. I’m not sure what sparked the change, but I think it’s progress. Although my business lost a day’s work from me, I gained confidence in my ability to look after and take care of myself.What did I do then, if I didn’t work? Well I tried something new. I tried to not deliberately plan activities according to the outcome I want. I tried to give my brain a chance to just be… So as thoughts came up like… “I’ve read enough now” and… “I’m hungry” I actively tried to listen, take note and respond to fulfil the need. Like I said, this was a completely new experience for me, but I think this is good. I think it is progress.
Published by arielhopewhispers
I've got borderline personality disorder. I'm divorced. I'm in my early thirties. I'm really confused. I'm in a relationship. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm honest. I like to think I'm a good person. I'm definitely an empathic person. I'm a caring person. I try to make the world a better place. I experience extreme highs and extreme lows. I have difficulty processing emotions. I have difficulty maintaining relationships. I've got an extreme fear of abandonment. I'm still learning how to be a better me. I have low self-esteem. You'll have to look very far to find a more loving person than me. I love deeply and fiercely. I love dogs. I love dancing, writing, poetry. Occasionally my posts include poetry. Most of the time it's just me talking to you. It helps me process things. It helps me remember things. It helps me create a sort of constant reminder of who I am. I'm grateful to those of you who read my posts and leave a helpful comment. I try to include helpful links to resources and stuff, when I can. This platform means the world to me. I've met some really wise, amazing and supportive people. Thank you for giving me a space where I can literally just be me - no holds barred. View all posts by arielhopewhispers