Confused

A lot of interesting things happened this week… I fired my first client… My husband’s biological sister found him via Facebook.. I got told that “In your first 5 to 10 years of running your own business you’ll feel like you don’t know anything, but that just means you’re in the right place. You’re learning and growing. That is how learning and growing feels.” That is how my boss felt when he first opened his own practice. What a comforting thought. I’ve been wondering about myself, this profession, this business… What if it all… Is just not worth it? What if… I am just not good enough? What if I am the problem? But apparently it’s normal to feel like that when you’re doing so many new things all at once. I really hope my business works out one day. Until then, what do I do about this client that I fired? It kind of feels like he might be one of those people where if you don’t help him anymore he might turn vengeful in his own self-interest. Something like that? At the moment when I made the decision I wasn’t thinking of how this would play out, what twist the human element would put on this plot. I was thinking of the risk involved in the audit of this guy. I’m almost certain he steals money from his trust account and I just haven’t picked it up in previous audits. I always knew he was dodgy but I needed the money. When your a start-up you can’t afford to say no to business. Now I am at a stage where I actually can afford to say no, but I don’t know how to see it through. I sent an email with a well worded resignation letter. When he called I answered his call and explained quietly and calmly that the person I was helping out was forcing me to close my audit business, but that I would still be able to consult.. Now he wants to see me about his personal income tax… And I really don’t want to see him… What if he corners me? Tells me how unprofessional I am for letting him down? For waiting until now to tell him to find another auditor a month before the deadline… What if he starts yelling and tells me how bad I am? What if he hurts me and I start crying?

Pathetic. Unprofessional. I know. It’s like there is an angry parent in my head that I am afraid of and don’t know how to get rid of. How am I supposed to know how to deal with these people in these types of situations anyway? How does everyone else know?

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