I quit my job

So these past few months I’ve been working full time at another audit firm, whilst still running & working in my own small start-up audit firm. I was doing this just to get more experience, as I am a bit young although I know and can do a lot (you know self-doubt is a bitch…).

Anyway the boss of this place was the nicest person in the world to me (at first and to my face). I guess because they need good people desperately. But over the last year I’ve slowly started to see the other sides of him (mostly through other people, but sometimes in his own eyes too).

When I finally worked up the courage to have the boundary conversation with him about his practice manager employing her narcissistic tactics on me… (Like switching the files I need to work from when I’m not looking, shaming me in front of my colleagues, not properly managing/ directing workflow and then blaming all her shortcomings on me, telling colleagues I made friends with how stupid I am, the list really goes on…and on….) he didn’t blink. He listened. He convinced me that I must stay and keep working while he figures this out. He looked at me with some face that resembled empathy, but he wasn’t surprised (by her behaviour). I only figured this out later, but he wasn’t surprised. There was no shock, no disgust, no anger (at her or me). That was how I realized.. beyond any reasonable doubt… that we were just pawns to him. Nothing more nothing less.

He proceeded to instruct me on how to lie to and manipulate the practice manager. I wasn’t allowed to tell her that I had spoken to him and I had to manipulate her into helping me handover my work so I could go on unpaid leave (only after my 2nd attempt he agreed to let me “take a break” by going on unpaid leave until he returned from Ireland).

I was raised my narcissists. Since I’ve been born I’ve had to fight to not turn into them. I wasn’t gonna start now. So I went to the practice manager and told her I was there because I had to have a conversation with her so I can go on unpaid leave and that I wasn’t allowed to tell her about my conversation with the boss. It was awkward, but it was honest.

Anyway, long story short for the next few weeks I am working fully in my own firm (my people assured me they have my back) to try and push enough work out so I can get a salary that I can live on by the end of the month…

The boss will call me when he is back and ready with a ‘solution that works for both parties.’ I am not sure how I am going to respond to this ‘solution’ but I will have my guard up and will ask for as much advice as possible before I make a decision. Honestly, as a person I would love to just disappear, and let him ‘go to hell’, but as a business woman and the face of my own audit firm, as the leader of my organization that would be dangerous. I have to somehow work out a way to keep the door open but at the same time shut it quietly but firmly behind me. At the same time I need to pull off another magic trick in order to make sure we have enough money coming in for me and hubby and the business and the business partners to survive. It’s a tall order, but someone has to do it… I’ve started a business from scratch before, escaped the hell I was born into and raised in, and kept my husband and me alive starting with no clients and building up to 80 satisfied and happy clients that I kept happy all by myself…. Yes I have failed in a lot of ways too, but now is the time for focusing on the good I’ve done so I can have the confidence, hope and belief to go on…. So its a tall order but someone has to do it.. and it might as well be me…

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