Splitting my heart in two

I wonder if Walt Disney was perhaps a little bit borderline, because heaven knows I can dream up amazing things and MAKE them happen. I have the shear power through determination and positivity to do a lot of good in those world and the intellect to build profitable businesses from nothing. At the same time, when it comes to managing relationships with people, no one has ever been this clueless. It’s like splitting is hardwired into my brain. I get close to people, I’m the kindest, nicest person in the world… But then they do something horrendous and I can’t run away fast enough. It’s like it a hardwired into my brain.. Its not like I consciously treat them like they’re the best thing on this planet one moment and then the worst a second later. It’s that they hurt me and then I am scared shitless and will do anything to eliminate the immediate threat to my life… Like with my one business partner… We were very close for about a month, working together really well all day. Constant praise and motivation was a thing all day everyday. But then she did the unthinkable she manipulated company money out of me for her own personal gain not once, but twice. I tried to say no, in fact I did but she wouldn’t hear of it. The 2nd time was whilst I was feeling suicidal because of fearing for my husband’s life (I know I’m too much, over dramatic, over the top, over sensitive, I’ve hear it all. You confirming this won’t change me unfortunately.) and this just caused me to snap. Within minutes she changed from a supportive mother figure (that I never had because the person I had as a mother can’t be called mother) to the most evil, while, manipulative monster of a person on this planet. Have you ever cuddled a cute puppy and then woken up only to realise it wasn’t a puppy, its a black widow spider and it’s still there and it’s not going away? Me either, but imagine that that is the case. How do you feel? That is how I feel when “splitting” happens to me.

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