Slowly down the rabbit hole…

So it’s been about 3 weeks since I decided that I should journal everyday. . . Blank space. Crickets. Exactly. That is pretty much where it stopped. I could say that I’ve been super busy and I’ve been keeping up with some of the other tasks on my list but the truth is… What is the truth? I’ve been catching myself thinking that I really should do some journalling… So the internal reminder is there. But everytime I think about it I have this profound sense of being very uncomfortable, maybe even anxious, like I know I should block the thought because… Bad things happen when I take care of myself. I’ve stuck with some of the other positive habits.. I’m gardening often-ish, I’m cleaning, uncluttering and listing things for sale everyday… That works. That comes ‘naturally’. I’ve actively avoided exercise, journalling, giving credit to myself, affirming myself, giving small yet meaningful gifts to my husband and I’m now at a point where even spending time with my husband is becoming ‘difficult’… Because I’m so unhappy? I feel forgotten, left on the side of the road, kicked to the curb. Do you get what I’m saying? God, it’s worse than I thought. How deep does this brainwashing go? Mom and dad, what have you done to me?

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