She was not the type of girl..

She was not the type of girl destined to end up in a place like this. She got out of the Uber with a tiny but determined sigh. She was tired. It was written on her face. And yet she looked immaculate, not fancy, but in her fitted black dress and with her tinted smart glasses, minimal make-up and no fuss hairstyle she looked like she was heading for the boardroom, not… Her thoughts spiraled down the abyss in her mind. You can do this. You have to do this. You don’t have a choice. You’ve survived worse before you can do this as well. Just get through it. She looked up at the groom white grey building. The sky was an weary light blue, like there wasn’t enough blue go around but someone used it to paint the sky anyway. The large red suitcase that the Uber driver took out of the boot for her was the only hint that she wasn’t heading towards a board meeting.

I guess I will never forget that day.

It was a sad day but also a new one. See, I wasn’t destined to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, I wasn’t raised that way. I was bred and raised to last, to shoulder all the pain of my childhood home, to achieve, to hide my feelings because they were invalid and untrue anyway, to be strong, to be someone, to be something that my parents would be proud of… And this… They would not be proud of this… They did not even know about this… And wasn’t planning on telling them.. Ever.

She reached for the suitcase, thanked the driver, smiled a half hearted but genuine smile and proceeded towards the large glass door with the black picket fence. At the door a security guard stood silently with a blank looking piece of paper on the table next to him that she guessed he was using as a logbook. She walked up to him. “I am here to check in”. He instructed her to write down her details before issuing her a tag with access to the building. He nodded towards the door and opened it for her. She felt like Alice walking through the looking glass. What horrors awaited her on the other side she did not know. She was a rush job. Her therapist had urged her to see the admitting psychiatrist th3 day before. A brand new person that had told her the only option for her was admission and as soon as possible. She had managed to arrange for leave from work. She was doing something she never did… Taking off from work for herself. Because she could not function as herself any longer. Not in this horrendous world in which she lived anyway…

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