An ocean of lonely that never ends

My world is a confusion of colour

A cacophony of excitement

A delicious drama

An endless restless incestuous pool of resentment

Where up is never up

And down is never down

Yet up is higher up than any man has ever gone before

And down is down lower than any human should ever be allowed to be

In my world I’m the chronic patient in a never ending prism

The sweet innocent victim,

The horrible inhumane whore,

The torturer, the victim, the person crying in the corner

And the one that upset him

It’s really difficult to be me

The only certainty

Is that nothing will ever be the same

Again

But then

I pick myself up and I try to push on

Onwards and upwards

Because that is what good humans do

And when I return I’ll be the good human coming home, the victor,

The proud one,

That’s what I tell myself

But no matter how hard I try, how far I reach, how much I give,

How much I scream or grit my teeth

I never come home

Instead the unending ocean of loneliness, hopelessness and emptiness always finds me

2 thoughts on “An ocean of lonely that never ends

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