Confusion is a bitch

It’s been about 19 days since I grabbed my Id, my wallet and an Uber and left you… And I’m only now starting to realise how fucked up this situation is… Was. . Is? Time is not reality. Neither am I. Neither were you. You see the cracks were always there, whispering around the corner, visible on a smooth surface. You could taste it in the bitterness of the apples that we kept around the house… But I told you no… No bitterness here. No cracks no whispers… Just dream. Dream. We can live in dreams, live on dreams. Who needs water? I miss you. Or do I miss the though of you? Or do I miss the illusion of you? Or do I miss my slightly skewed perception of you??? See, I needed a prince. And you were it. Without a prince I would never escape the witches castle, never, ever dream of becoming a person…. But you weren’t a prince were you? Or innocent either? You can blame all of this on me and a lot of it is my fault, the fault of my desperation of my unwillingness to see reality, of my need to never ever be alone… But not all of it. It takes a special type of person to see a desperate girl, on the verge of death, needing just one prince… and think… I don’t much like that but I could work with that. I don’t even know what you thought, but how could you? How could you?

It was easy for you to hit me. It was easy for you to yell and scream and belittle me. You enjoyed breaking me down and controlling me in every single imaginable way possible. You had to restrain yourself from hurting me sometimes because it felt so good. Is that the real story? Why were you so nice to me way back when? Why did you take such good care of me? Was it really just to lure me in? Or were you desperate just like me, in pain just like me in need of a person to rescue who would rescue you? What happened? What really happened? Please tell me because I don’t know.

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