Being sick really sucks

So over the weekend I created and launched the #coloring4covid campaign, I continued to raise birdie (the Indian Myna chick I found on the lawn), I continued to support my family and friends…and yet… I feel like I did a lot over the weekend but today I woke up with such a migraine… And as I sat by the computer this morning I had to choose – give up and go to bed or suck it up and keep going.. Guilt is such a powerful emotion… It is able to strip us of all dignity… Needless to say I spent the day holding my head and attempting not to throw up too much in bed.. And I feel like shit for it… I feel that I should be working harder, I should be wanting to work harder, I should stop spending so much time on myself doing things I like.. But is that really me? Or is that the collective voices of all the narcissists (that I seem to attract like flies) in my head pretending to be me? Oh gosh and the nausea is back and I just ate… I think perhaps (from writing these ramblings) that I should attempt to be a little bit less hard on myself, maybe accept the fact that I am sick and human at the same time… Maybe I can even work out a realistic way to spend time on the things that I enjoy spending my time on… I’m such a naturally tortured soul though… Not sure most of the time if there is any hope for me… That is why it was good to have him… He kept me sane, alive, grounded, gave me someone and something to live for… And then he started taking those things away… Like a serial killer suffocating his victim slowly over time because he enjoys watching the suffering… I loved him so much. I would’ve never left him… If I didn’t have to… It wasn’t physically safe to stay with him anymore… I really hope I can become someone worth living for for myself, but until then I feel so lonely. I feel so hopeless, empty, like life has lost its color and meaning. I need to get over it. I need to find more color…

By the way if you’d like to download the free printable adult therapeutic coloring pages I created to deal with my divorce you can find them here: coloring4covid.wordpress.com

If you’d like to enable me to create more coloring pages like this for you you can visit patreon.com/coloring4covid

All proceeds from the project I’m donating to those who have lost their ability to generate income due to the lockdown due to the Covid19 pandemic… Send me your colored works. Would love to see them. Hugs, my friends. Thanks for being here once again to help me survive another lonely night. I hope that wherever you are as go are reading this you are safe and you know that you are enough.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s