Today I was watching a series in which some poor child was put in a situation where he was drowning in fear, filled with humiliation, had no way out, no control, no hope… and that’s exactly what it triggered in me… That picture reached inside of me to a space inside of me where there’s a fearful child…just waiting to be saved, but at the same time knowing…no help is coming…
I need to work on freeing her. It’s important.
But I’m not sure how.
I haven’t had money to buy my medication in about a month now…and I’ve been doing pretty good…until today…with that series… Strange how it takes just one thing…to take you down a couple knotches…until you’re right back where you started.
I’m sad now. I mean our event, that I co-hosted tonight, and have been working my butt off for…was a huge success and yet I don’t feel it was good enough. I don’t feel that I’ve done enough. I don’t feel that I’m doing enough and at the same time…I’ve been working everyday until 3/ 5 am in the morning. Getting up at 9/10 and repeating the process over and over again. I’m not sure but I think I’m exhausted. At the same time I still have so much more to do until we’ll be home free. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I feel quite hopeless right now…
At the same time. I won’t give up. Perhaps I just need to spend some time taking care of me…giving back to me…being me…doing what I like…and being a bit more selfish… Just for a while at least…??
So you’ll probably see me around here more often, hopefully, at least for a while, as I try to find my bearings again.
Thanks for being a good friend and for listening to my rambles. You’re always so easy to talk to and you always listen without critisising. The world needs more of that.
Just me… softly signing one of my favorite songs…because I wanted to…
Until we talk again.
Lots of love.
Yours in mayhem,