She wasn’t planned, but she was supposed to magically fix everything. She would tie me to the perfect man, someone who would love and care for me for life.
She would give me a family, a place to belong, a purpose.
I had already dreamt about doing up her little baby room. Buying girlie toys… How I would teach her, play with her, love her.
I would be the perfect mom.
This would be another thing I could achieve at.
She was the reason for getting up in the morning, for working late, for being hyper motivated and super focused.
I would build my business for her her, conquer mountains for her, move the earth for her.
I would love her so much and she would always love me. We would go on grande adventures together. We would love each other forever.
But I had a miscarraige, and now she’s gone.
And I know its not my fault, but is it normal that I still sometimes feel a bit worthless? A bit useless?
This would’ve been the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I lost her… for good.
I know it happens to many woman. How do you cope?
My hormones are all over the place. So are my emotions. There’s a deep dark shadow that keeps creeping into all of my heart.
I try to move on, to be strong, to keep going, to use logic – we can try again, to focus on the positive – atleast he’s still here.
But the more I run from it, the more it creeps into my whole life. I just want to be fine again. How do I get there?