I am fedup with things. I’m not achieving my goals fast enough.
My life is a whirlwind. Nothing makes sense. I feel ungrateful.
This is the unhelpful space of mind I’ve been finding myself in the past week or so.
I’m finding it difficult to get up, go on, do things, be happy and I’m stressed all the time. I think I’m burnt out.
What lead me here? Definitely a lack of boundaries and understanding where I want to go with my life.
If you don’t know here you’re going…any road will take you there.
So I want to fix that, but how? I’ve got no clue, honestly, but I’m hoping that by forcing myself to write my way through this, I’ll somewhow find some hope, a new perspective and a life worth living. Because at the moment, I don’t feel like my life is worth living at all. I don’t like it. It just keeps going on. There’s no clarity, no direction, there’s a constant stream of people wanting things from me and a business partner that I love, am sleeping with and at the same time, struggle to understand and communicate with.
I need to get back to basics. I know there is a strong, calm, woman inside of me somewhere that is wise and that can deal with this, but at the moment it just doesn’t feel like it.
Maybe if I start small. Let me brainstorm a bit about what my ideal life looks like….
Well, I think I would like to create courses for a living. I enjoy learning. I enjoy learning to the point where I can teach something. I don’t enjoy being responsible for a class of people. I don’t enjoy managing things, managing people or having to be on my phone 24/7. I hate that. No wonder I’m miserable. That’s basically my job right now.
I’d like to dance. I want to be able to pay for dance classes and dance retreats and just spend my days dancing, not worrying about tomorrow. I want to go rockclimbing. I want to see the world. I want to do new things. I want to learn to communicate. I want to be loved. I want to make someone happy.
I’m a good teacher. I can create content worth engaging with. I don’t like selling. I need to build people into the business that is going to take the relationship away from me, manage the things, manage the people, manage the relationships and leave me alone so I can learn and create courses for a living and engage with people when I choose to do so.
For the first time in my life I’m in a position where that position seems reachable. How do I get there?
I can keep on trying to get more accounting courses to teach – those are kind of paying for living right now. On top of that I can talk to my business partner about what I’d like to be responsible for in the business and he can help me get there. I need to stop thinking that he doesn’t care or that if something in the business is not being taken care of that it is automatically my job to step in and start doing that.
I can start creating the courses I want to end up getting paid for. If I dedicate 60 minutes per day to that then I will be producing courses on a regular basis.
Then I think I need to keep checking in with myself. If I don’t I get lost. So I got to come to this blog site more often. I don’t always have to write, even just reading some of the things I wrote before will remind me of who I am and what I am trying to achieve. Its a fun space to be in anyway.
I can update my goals, maybe make a healthy habits goal page, research some things that will help me achieve my goals and write about those… The sky is the limit, but I think I need to dedicate at least 60 minutes per day to just checking in here. Atleast while I’m in this emergency burnout space.
Then I need to deal with my stress better. I got to this unhelpful space by taking no breaks, and doing nothing other than work for a very long time, telling myself that I was doing what is necessary, but what if it isn’t? What if, what is actually necessary, is me taking a good, hard look at my life and creating a space that I can not only survive on a daily basis but want to live in…
How do I do that?
Yoga? I like yoga, but for some reason with the three people I’m living with at the moment, I don’t feel like I have a private space in which I ca do things for myself… Okay so if that is the problem, then what I need to do as soon as I get home is create myself a private beautiful space where I can do yoga, journal, be by myself, think about things… Okay I have a space in mind. I think this is possible. I can try do that. I must just remember.
Okay and then I can literally say to myself that I have to spend like a 60 minute time out session in this space every day… That will make a world of difference. Okay I like this. This makes me happy. LOL. Well, excited…
Another thing is boundaries… I want to live my life, that is beneficial to me. Other people are not allowed to steal my life or happiness any longer. I need to remember that. It is going to be hard, but not if I know what I want and where I am going and then remember that everything I do and allow in my life and around me is my choice, no one elses. I want to stop just doing things to please people. They can please themselves for a change.
I want to date the person in my life. I want to get to know him and make time to do fun things with him. We need money for this? Or maybe I can communicate this and we can think of things we can do together that would be fun for both of us? I would like that very much.
My head is really full of things. I kind of feel permanently overwhelmed. I should do some more meditation. Get more headspace.
Wow, so many surprising thought are coming out in this thought dump.
So let me review, for now I want to:
- – Create a private play space for myself
- – Spend more time checking in with this blog (myself) every day
- – Build the business in such a way that I end up creating courses for a living and not managing things and people (I can talk to my business partner about this)
- – Talk to my partner about finding something we can do together that is fun
- – Do more yoga every day
- – Do more meditation
I think I feel a bit calmer…
Creating an entrepreneurial lifestyle that works is so hard hey… Are there habits that you have built into your life because it helps you build your ideal entrepreneurial lifestyle? Tell me about them?