“All I ever wanted was for you to love me.” The words were honest, from a secret place inside of her that she had, up until that moment, never found. She had an inkling that it existed. She went to therapy to find it, but she had never before been able to access it. Now that she finally had, it felt sacred. If she could imagine the place inside of her where those words had come from, she would imagine it as a very dark corner, almost shy with darkness, inside a forest. It is a secluded space overgrown by lush green moss that softens the surface. There is a tree with dark bark and water mists the air, darkening the bark even further. From the outside it looks like a secluded happy little, slightly shy, magical spot. It’s only when one tries to access the place that one discovers the welted scar, old and crusted from where the bark tried to take back what was meant to be his, on the secluded side of the tree. That is where these painfully honest words are kept, where they whisper through the leaves of the tree when the wind picks up, where they dissolve in the misty water in the air and slip down the green mossy ground and into the nearby river. I am not sure if this will ever heal, I think, whilst empathetically pressing my hand against the healthy bark, right next to the welt, but I sure hope it does.
Published by arielhopewhispers
I've got borderline personality disorder. I'm divorced. I'm in my early thirties. I'm really confused. I'm in a relationship. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm honest. I like to think I'm a good person. I'm definitely an empathic person. I'm a caring person. I try to make the world a better place. I experience extreme highs and extreme lows. I have difficulty processing emotions. I have difficulty maintaining relationships. I've got an extreme fear of abandonment. I'm still learning how to be a better me. I have low self-esteem. You'll have to look very far to find a more loving person than me. I love deeply and fiercely. I love dogs. I love dancing, writing, poetry. Occasionally my posts include poetry. Most of the time it's just me talking to you. It helps me process things. It helps me remember things. It helps me create a sort of constant reminder of who I am. I'm grateful to those of you who read my posts and leave a helpful comment. I try to include helpful links to resources and stuff, when I can. This platform means the world to me. I've met some really wise, amazing and supportive people. Thank you for giving me a space where I can literally just be me - no holds barred. View all posts by arielhopewhispers