I fell again, but

I can’t believe I fell for it again. Oh my goodness I am speechless and intensely frustrated and disappointed in myself. When will I learn? Because of my business I see an average of 5 new people per week. These people have usually found me on LinkedIn, google or have been referred through word of mouth. They request meetings and I meet with them in order to hear all about their problems so I can tell them how to make it go away. Whether they hire my firm to help them with making the problem go away is up to them, but most of them end up hiring us because of the trust and respect built in the first meeting. So this is how I found this guy that wanted to talk to me about a “business opportunity”. An hour later I end up signing up for Amway’s network marketing scheme. I told him I would only “try” it if he was willing to help me with my business in return. He agreed quite quickly, buy when asked he said it was because he had nothing to lose by agreeing. In hind sight I should’ve let him do some of his work first. Signs of good faith are lost on the faithless so it would’ve been a good test. And I would’ve nothing to lose…

Anyway so at the second meeting I gave him some leads, made notes as he spoke, received my box with hopelessly overpriced product, found out more about all the different stupid meetings he expected me to attend and then… When he pressed me for a time and date that we could have a product launch at my house I said that I would give it, but only after he had signed up 10 students for my online accounting course… This was when the surprise happened. He looked away, but I think he was trying to cover up anger or something similar, he attacked my business model, said that “let’s not make the two conditional” and said my first trainee might not have left if there were some incentives for passive income in my business model. I said I would think about the time and the date. But after coming home I felt very moody, unhappy, frustrated and I didn’t really know why… Until I though about it some more because I had to… It was affecting my ability to interact with my husband. This is when I realized I felt tricked, unhappy, upset, disappointed, disgusted, shamed, let down mostly by this person but also by myself.. It was a familiar feeling which is why there was so much of it. I realized the person showed his true colors only to me on the second meeting. I really believed he had integrity and a genuine interest in my business as well as a willingness to help out… But I was wrong… Again. I fell for another person that just wants to use and manipulate and abuse me… Again. Why is it so natural to me? Anyway, at least, and I guess I am proud of myself for this, as soon as I realized this and radically accepted the reality of the situation (even though I wanted to keep believing that my first impression was correct and valid and that there was some merit in what I had done) I texted him to let him know this thing is just not going to work for me as I don’t have the energy to invest in two businesses right now. I didn’t hear anything back although I did see that he read the message. I guess this morning now I still feel shamed, shameful, embarrassed, but after having written this I am proud of myself for radically accepting the new facts and getting rid of the person. I wouldn’t have done this before. I would’ve perhaps made excuses not to see him or just kept of paying the monthly fee pretending that it doesn’t matter to me whilst at the back of my mind the shameful secret would be calling me, mocking me everyday every hour… Until… I didn’t go down that road this time. My behavior is different, consciously changed, and I took the time to write down and understand what happened so hopefully this is how learning happens… Yes, they fooled me twice, and a million times before that, but this time, perhaps I’ve learnt enough to not fall for it again next time… Let’s see. I am slightly cautiously optimistic. 😊

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