The second good day after divorce

Hey you…

So my mind is still filled with anxious thoughts like, will anyone ever love me? Accusations like, you couldn’t even keep your husband… How is anyone else ever gonna love you? And harsh criticism from my superstrict authoritarian inner parent like… No one will ever love, you’re too fat and ugly… BUT at least now I am able to recognize these thoughts, and watch them pass like clouds in the sky… Perhaps challenging them if I’m up to it…

Which is why I am so proud of myself for the progress made today on my courageous curves project!! I was feeling super disgusting… Just fat and unattractive today… Because I’ve been eating carbs the whole of yesterday and today.. So I took action and convinced myself to work on my choreography for “I’m gonna show you crazy” anyway… And it paid off! This was the first video since the divorce and probably since ballet in which I could manage to look at myself and go… Yeah, you’re not perfect, hun but you’re not looking half bad… And btw I love the choreography…. So I am chuffed about that. Look I am not even near ready to put these vids up on YouTube but I am continuing working on them and the choreography… And one day I will… Until then everytime my scared inner teen asks me.. But how do you know you’re good enough? I have to answer, because I know honey… I just know. You’re beautiful because you’re real and because you dance from the heart and don’t let anyone ever convince you otherwise. Just keep going with it, you’ll see…

Also my brother said I look super professional so… That was awesome. He said I’m really good and he saw the video that I took with my laptop so it is super blurry… But he still said I’m good which I was so thankful for…

Tomorrow is Monday, but now it’s Sunday night and I am calm and I have tons of exciting things happening in the future to be excited for. It’s a good feeling.

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