Standing still with your hair on fire

Hey You…

I’m so sorry I’ve been ignoring you! I guess for the longest time now…things have been just very NEW and I’m not sure about what I’m doing. So me being me and having the emotional intelligence of a slug… I decided to stop doing my therapy sessions, stop checking in with you, just ignore all the emotions as far as possible and just try to live in the moment…

This has resulted in me having a mini-meltdown…where I’m so anxious, confused, frustrated… there is just so many emotions that I haven’t dealt with and they’re all trying to come out all at once..making me even more…tired, demotivated. I’m struggling to function now.

I was trying to be strong for my new partner… He hasn’t been functioning or pulling his weight in the business… so I decided to not say anything… just sweep it under the rug…bottle up my resentment.. you know like ‘good girls’ do.

And that hasn’t worked. The more I give him space to do less…the less he does. THe less he does the less he knows the more irritated I become the harder I work the less patience I have the more hurt he feels the more fear of abandonment I have. And while all of this is going on neither of us are focusing on our baby business.. The less we focus on our baby business the less we achieve the less I achieve the harder I work the more demotivated I feel the more real my fear of failure becomes the more stressed I am the more stressed he is the more he distracts himself the harder I work… Its a vicious cycle. Is this what codependence is called? And how the hell did I get here?

I guess I’ve learnt a valuable lesson… Its never worth it to put the emotional shutters on… you might get some temporary relief and that really felt great, but at the same time…its like your driving a car but refusing to take the wheel… Its just stupid and you have no control over where you end up and once you’re there you don’t even know how you got there to begin with…

So I have to get back to You and Me…

So I started with finding a website called 7 cups of tea… I’m on there if you want to talk.. My username is Ariel Hopewhispers.

I started with talking to two free listeners about my current situation. It made me feel a little calmer. I also asked my partner to take over on the business side from me for just a day or two…so I can focus on getting better…and he said yes… I’m currently doing the startup section on 7 cups… Its a self help resource that I’m really liking so far…

Here are my notes on the first video. I thought you’d like to see…

Anyway, I’ll try check in more regularly, okay? I promise I will. We’ll get through this… If we could get through divorce and 12 years of unhappy marraige we can get through this… I just need to practice making talking to you and listening to me and spending time on keeping myself emotionally healthy a priority… I need to, because I want to build a life worth living…

Can you relate? Have any suggestions for me at this stage? Just there and rooting for me..? Please reach out. I’d love the support.

Chat later. Yours in this messy entrepreneurial thing we call life…


PS: I’m trying to think of questions that I could use as prompts to maybe start off every day with a journalling excercise… Good idea/ bad idea? Any suggestions for questions? Thank you!

Notes on Startup Life 7 Cups of Tea: Video 1

Lessons from disappearing into the fire pioneers talk:

Every morning he takes half an hour and reads a novel in the bath tub.

Just Be.

If you bring forth what is in you; what is in you will save you.

Freedom is scary. Freedom means that we are responsible for our own happiness. Freedom means that I’m not being dictated to by my demons.

Am I making this choice out of fear or love?

Keep your promises.

You have to be the adult you want your children to be. You need to make a different choice.

What are you afraid of?

How do I motivate someone without scaring the crap out of them? Call out the possibility of what exists within us… Hold people accountable. Don’t take out your fear on other people.

He thought I could do anything and as a result I thought I could do everything. Don’t lead with fear.

Morning ritual:

  • Coffee
  • Journaling
  • Excercise
  • Meditation
  • Then Email

Every failed experiment produces learning as long as you keep radical self-inquiry alive.

Calming your inner core is really, really important.

I hate my co-founder for not doing enough, how do I keep from bursting out?

First of all ask yourself the question: Why is it making me so angry? Because implicit in that question is the belief that you’re working too hard. Who is making that choice? Because if you worked at the same pace of your co-founder, maybe the company would fail…or maybe not. Maybe your co-founder doesn’t have the same level of anxiety as you do. Maybe their anxious about different things. What I would do is bring the two of you together and actually have a dialogue. The number one reason for failure in startups is co-founder conflict. You better work on your co-founder relationships.

You’re kicking ass, but being the CEO of a startup is f*cking hard. It can be lonely. Long hours. Constant demands. Never­-ending­-unforgiving­-to­-do ­lists. And no manual.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s