It’s becoming easier and easier to talk to him… be around him… share stuff with him. I think it’s becoming easier for him to be around me too…
Today we went out to a restaurant and had a sit-down meal. And it was nice. It wasn’t awkward. I didn’t even really think about my ex-husband… I didn’t wish that he was him. I didn’t feel like this was second best.
I felt at home. Happy. And if I did, for a fleeting moment, catch myself starting to feel awkward or make myself believe that he could never love me that way he loved his ex-wife… I reminded myself that that is simply not true.
We are good together. We’re just scared. That’s all.
This valentines day I actually made him a card and gave him a heart-shaped chocolate lollipop. The day before I wrote on the glass window ” I love you”. As he was coming round the corner washing the windows I ran away giggling. I got it on there just in time.
I think those actions are what’s contributing towards making everything much less awkward. I just decided that… I want to love again… fully. And this person is nice. And he’s only been good to me.
I can make myself fall in love with him. Just like I made myself not fall out of love with my ex-husband… for the longest time.
Anyway… I just thought you’d like to know that. That’s the update on Blue Eyes.
Wow, business is going well. I’ve been basically a broke-ass entrepreneur since the time I started this blog, right. Well, not anymore! Those days are officially over! And I believe it just might be for good… this time.
I’m working in the training space – getting gigs from four different educational organizations. I’m earning just about the equivalent of what I was earning back when I was employed at the University. It’s fantastic.
But that’s not even the biggest thing. The biggest thing is since mid-January me and Blue-eyes have actually managed to pull in and ’employ’ our first salesperson – fully commission-based. And WOW, since then said salesperson has signed up 8 new members to our platform – creating a R7,000 per month amount of extra revenue for as long as those members stay on our platform.
Isn’t that incredible?
I am so happy, so blessed. The plan is to continue this performance in terms of membership. Then while this is happening – all of our profit share spaces are also being improved. The people around us are getting inspired by our success and they’re literally rallying around us helping us build.
It’s incredible. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it.
Of course, there have been people showing up, creating drama, trying to get a piece of the pie through any means necessary… There’ve been a lot of vultures around. But blue-eyes have been dealing with him. Sometimes I help a little bit, but mostly he is happy to deal with the people and misunderstandings or whatever needs to be sorted out. Its amazing.
I am a little worried about him burning out though. That’s why I suggested we go out today. He says it doesn’t help him relax, but at least he got out of the house. I think that’s at least something.
I try to feed him proper food everyday… I do our washing. And I try to always encourage and support him and remember to tell him how awesome he is and how well he is doing. I am worried about him, but I can’t assume responsibility for his emotions and his healing journey… So for now I’m just doing what I can to support and trying to be there when he needs me…
So that’s the business side…
On the dance side… Oh WOW. I’m starting to feel a little bit of the old dancer in me come out sometimes during pole sessions… Its really nice.
I still have a super long way to go though. And I went through a bit of a depression/ dip about two weeks ago. I was going to all the HIIT classes – 5 times a week, all the Online gym session – 2 times a week and all the pole dancing sessions – 4 times a week.
And I think it was just a bit much…
So now I’m just trying to do as much as possible, but without doing so much that I get depressed… Its weird like I would literally get depressed about 40 mins after an exercise session and I would feel like super weak and like crying… I think its blood sugar.
I remember growing up I struggled a lot with low blood sugar/ low blood pressure/ no one was ever really sure what it was, but it would involve me getting dizzy/ things going black/ almost feinting/ feeling weak.
At one stage I got so weak that I was literally just laying on the couch for like weeks… But it always kind of went away by itself… I’m hoping this time it will again go away by itself…
Oh, I also stopped taking the pre-workout drink (mostly) before gym sessions so that I don’t end up pushing myself so hard during sessions… And I stopped drinking so much protein shake that I don’t get hungry during the rest of the day- cause that keeps me from eating then, which I think is part of the problem.
Anyway… that’s me. 🙂 Are you proud of me for how far I’ve come? I’m proud of me…
How are you? Let me know in the comments! 🙂 🙂 🙂 Would love to have more friends on here!
By the way… have you ever experienced like the weakness, and almost feinting thing? What is it? Would love to know, because when I test my blood sugar and blood pressure it always comes out normal… To the lower end of normal, but normal…