Just a Quick Check In

Hey You 🙂

I’ve missed you. I’ve been thinking of writing to you, but I just haven’t made the time. I’m sorry. I’m here now though.

So on Sunday our leadership coach came through to our house and stayed for 4 hours just to help us figure out how to lead our business into the future. I was so thankful for his company. We figured out so much together.

He also got my co-founder to take responsibility for one of the revenue streams, whilst I focus more on the other and he helped me figure out that if I block off my time in the morning to focus on the big task I want to accomplish for the day I can deal with all the tiny tasks in the afternoon, in between our meetings, but at least I would know that the big thing I want to work on has been worked on.

This is different from the way usually work, because usually I would like to choose a big task and then work on it until it is done, but that’s not feasible in the real world. It might have been when I was going to school and my tasks were all homework, but now that I’m running a business its just not…

I really hate when my partner smokes in the room. He is doing it right now. Hopefully he’ll stop soon and go back to his vape.

Anyway… I’ve been doing my new “rich person” routine in the morning, where I literally pretend that I’m already rich and have life made until 10:00 in the morning. So from the time I wake up, up until 10:00 I literally only do what I like to do or want to do… so I’ve been belly dancing again, doing yoga, meditation, creative work, blogging, etc in that time.

It is incredible how much happier it has made me feel throughout the rest of the day and week. It makes me resilient. It makes me a nicer person and it makes it easier for me to deal with everything that life throws at me. It also gives me this obvious glow (because I’m really happy) that people on meetings notice, whether consciously or not, and it intrigues them, it makes them want to join us, buy into our vision, learn our secrets.

Its good. I must remember how important this routine is. Who thought that by taking care of myself I could increase our networth?

Anyway, I love dancing again! It makes me feel so feminine! I’m shocked at how unfit I am though… I’d like to finish the classes I’m doing on Youtube and then go for actual real classes when I can afford to.

I’d like to poledance and do competitions too. It will be fun. It makes me remember a side of me that I thought was long since dead.

Anyway, so that’s me, nothing too deep or hectic tonight. I just wanted to check in.

How are you doing? It feels like we haven’t spoken in ages! Let me know 🙂

Lots of love,

Ariel

Random bubble of happiness

Hey you,

I’m really happy right now.

Our money has basically run out and the sales just aren’t getting there. Its a struggle and I’m tired. I need to make a plan to find money to buy dog food and food for me and the tenants I live with. Their income streams have basically been reduced to nothing because of Covid… they’re bartenders and haven’t earned a living wage in about 4 months so I’m pretty much supporting all of us now…and I’m still in the startup phase with my new company…

So there’s a lot to stress about. A lot of reasons to be tired, anxious, depressed, worried, but what good does that do?

Also, right now, I just got my new bed delivered so I can move into my own room… And even though I haven’t had a chance to put linens on the bed…when I close the door and sit on my bed a feel the solitude hugging me…and I know this is my space.. Its rough and its raw and messy, but its mine and it has potential…and its just mine. I don’t have to share it with anyone. I don’t have to listen to how much my now ex-husband hates my taste or choice of bedding. I can fill it with unicorns or mermaids, rainbows or anything on the face of the planet that I feel like filling it with. Its rough and its raw and its not much to be honest…but today it my little random bubble of happiness…

Just thought I’d let ya know.

Yours truely,

Ariel

Anonymous Comfort

Hey You,

There is something fantastically beautiful about being completely utterly and forever anonymous. I tell you things that I would never tell anyone else ever… which means we’re closer than I’ll ever be to any other human being in ‘real’ life EVER. Isn’t that magical? It means I get to tell you my deepest, darkest secrets, my most intimate intimidating fears, my realest hopes and dreams and beliefs…and you never judge me…because you don’t know me…you don’t have a name for me….other than the alias I put on wordpress…I am nameless to you, worthless in a way, and yet…you’re always here….whenever I need you…

This blank canvas in front of me…it never changes…its always ready to accept my latest failure, absorb my most painful tears…those ones that I don’t cry in front of anyone else ever…absorb my latest hopes… And when I’m gone one day…those fears, those hopes, the things I’ve seen and the way that they made me feel…will still be here…words on paper…whispers in the wind.

Isn’t that mindblowing?

Also, I just made another one of my blog posts into an audio post…wanna have a listen and let me know what you think? 🙂 Would appreciate it. Thank you for listening…always…I love you…

Audio Blog Entry from 2 August 2020 – Miss Nothing:

Comforting Solitude and Hope Whispers

Hey You,

There is something comforting about solitude.

I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I’ve been a bit quiet. The last few weeks have been rough to be honest. I’ve been marketing for our newest event non-stop – just sending the one direct Linkedin message after the other… I feel like a Linkedin message by now, to be honest.

I’ve been having lots of sex though. The guy next door… Well, he has a high sex drive and so do I. And ever since I’ve gotten the divorce and he’s been being there for me…a little bit, it just kind of happened naturally… We’re not in love. And he has been very clear with me about not wanting to fall in love… I mean I get it – he’s been hurt. If you think my life has been rough you don’t even want to begin to hear about his. And I mean – in reality – I deserve more this time… Not more than him, but more than just falling for the first guy to look my way…just because I have a need for being loved, being cared for, being less alone… This time I’d like to be sure you know. And he’s right – you can’t just become sure just overnight.

Its a process and one I deserve to follow for the first time ever… Anyway…now I have a bladder infection…I think. I also might have gotten Clamidia from one of they guys I had over in an effort to try to heal a bit of my heart…. I just wanted to have some fun okay…don’t judge me too harshly…

But I do enjoy our chats. I mean, I haven’t checked in in a while, but its nice to know that there’s someone to talk to, somewhere to go, somewhere less lonely, somewhere just a little safe… With no one to judge me, no one to hurt me, no one and yet many someone’s that kinda care…don’t judge. I know I’m a little messed up right now. I might be for a while, but I want to believe, no I do believe that I will get better, become more than I am right now and who knows… Perhaps I won’t even be lonely in future anymore. Perhaps I’ll find love or even better…perhaps I’ll find myself and a place inside of me that I can call home. Lets see. Only time will tell.

Anyhow, I’ll keep you posted… And thanks for being here.

PS: Business is tough right now, but I am hopeful. Since I started the new company about 4 months ago its been a wild ride… I can really see the potential. Now its just down to grit and determination and maybe a few smart strategic moves…I can do it.

Listening to my favorite ghuru…such a comforting voice whilst writing this… Think I’m gonna do some more marketing now… #ThatNeverGiveUpAttitude

Yours in whispers; with lots of Hope,

Ariel Hopewhispers

It hurts

It hurts. I like to be alone when I hurt. Lick my wounds in silence, because monsters can smell weakness and they live all around us.

“Its only a thought and a thought can be changed,” says Louise Hay.

My tendency to isolate is problematic. My tendency to ignore my emotions and keep myself out of touch with myself is even more so. But who wants to write about every single memory? Who wants to remember anyway? Who wants to bleed if bleeding isn’t necessarily necessary? Or maybe it is. Who knows. All I know is that I miss him. I miss his eyes. I miss his lips. I miss his breath. I miss his skin. I miss his kisses. And then I think I never had much of that at all the past few years… It was like being divorced whilst being married, being together, but worlds apart. That hurt.

I still wonder, sometimes, why I miss him and then I wonder why it didn’t work out. Why couldn’t he just… Why couldn’t I just… Why couldn’t we just… Why couldn’t the world just… It was supposed to be a fairytale, happily ever after, forever after. And then forever ended before it was time and now I’m left with…painful memories of a life that would’ve been everything.

How do I even begin to forget this hurt? How long will it hurt? How often? What am I supposed to do to work through it? Please someone, anyone just tell me what to do, because I always know, but this time I don’t.